i'm Ok now

Alhamdulillah berkat Ramadhan...dah feeling better sekarang..last post agak sedih sbb ada beberapa unexpected news..so post kali ni agak panjang..dah bole nak tulis dah..

Actually 29/6(D12) hari tu buat Hsg utk kali ke 2 di Hospital Tawakkal dgn Dr Fatimah..this time adik je teman..en husb outstation ke Kedah..so far so good..everything going smoothly walaupun hari tu pakai baju yg disediakan tu terbalik..haha nasib nurse comel kat situ tegur suh betulkan...huhuh

the procedures semua ok..tak sakit..and even tak sedar pun bila dah siap..ingat Dr tengah check2 je..mmg doa byk2 je masa baring tu moga semua ok..dah habis procedures tu tnya Dr how, so far dia kata 2-2 tube ok dan dia suh laydown another 30 minit & snap post picture then lepas tu baru bole salin baju dan tunggu amik report...masa tu hati dah berbunga dah bersyukur..at least tube ok kan..so masa amik x-ray result tu tak laa baca report yg dia bagi..terus je bayar & balik..cost RM180 yer..

on 2/7(D15), dgn bersemangatnya bawa report HSG jumpa Dr Adila..then Dr tengok laa x-ray dan report tu..Dr pun explain the result..rupanyaaa ada unexpected news :((..Dr said that the flow of cecair/dye yg dimasukkan for both tube is ok except on right ovary still have some unreleased liquid..(mcm bertakung)..maybe ada yg melekat kat situ & halang cacair tu release properly..walaupun Dr kata its ok tapi air mata ni dah start bergenang...mana tak sedih sbb sebab masa buat Hsg kali pertama in 2009...alhamdulillah that time both tube was ok..

Dr pun agak terkejut dgn result yg baru ni sebenarnya..so dia pun selak fail baca segala history² operation masa 2010 dulu....nak dijadikan cerita rupanya Dr dulu ada buat biopsy kat ovary kanan..biopsy tu mcm amik sedikit daging ovary kanan utk buat test..tapi dalam fail tu tak mention utk test apa & apa result biopsy tu...Allahuakbar...masa dengar tu dah gugur jantung..sbb kami tak diberitahu pun tentang biopsy tu...yang kami tahu Dr buat laporascopy thru minor operation je..then Dr Adila mention lagi..maybe yg melekat kat ovary kanan dan yg menghalang cacair tu release properly  tu is a piece of daging ovary yg diambil masa biopsy tu..Allahhh..tak tercakap apa dah masa tu..Allah jer tahu apa perasaan masa tu...en husb speechless..Dr pun speacless..

 to break the silent..Dr suh baring utk check perkembangan saiz ovum lagi..masa baring tunggu Dr, air mata dah burst dah..Dr tengok je..huhu malu je kat Dr kan..dah tak bole nak tahan sedih..bila Dr scan plak..tengok saiz telur tak growth..sama mcm dulu 10-12mm jer..bertambah laa sedih...

then we sit & discuss for the next plan...Dr suh datang utk next cycle..pastu bole plak ckp dgn Dr.."Dr sy tak tahu bile next cycle sy Dr..period sy kan tak ok.." Dr pun senyum je..so next cycle dia prescribe duphaston to get period & dia suh makan clomid on D2..

inshaAllah after raya nanti kami jumpa Dr Adila lagi & continue our treatment with lower dose clomid..she is trying to avoid from any hyperstimulation on my body as Dr said i'm a high risk person to get OHSS after knowing that I have the highest AMH level among other's patients..so she need to be extra careful when dealing with my body... Ohhh btw my AMH level is 132pmol..where the max is 100pmol..so consider I'm break the record laa kan..that's why Dr is so worried about me..as she said that she never seen any others patient with high level of AMH like mine..if Dr worried ...i'm much more worried Dr..:((..

Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah...Ramadhan is here..to cure my sadness..i feel calm now..

I know, Allah knows what is the best for me..He love me..He gave me so many things..I should be more grateful..

and now He gave me Ramadhan as a big GIFT for me and to make me happy...
I keep remind myself to enjoy with His gift & utilize my precious time during this Ramadhan..

May Allah accept our fasting..our ibadah & all ours prayers..

Thank you Allah...Thank you Allah...

tears drop

TTC dan air mata...
Bagai tak dapat dipisahkan...
Gagal untuk tidak menagis lagi...
Setelah kian lama bertahan...
Ia gugur..mengalir dari dalam hati ke pipi..

Allah sedang menguji...
Peringatan utk diri..
Mujur ada suami penyejuk hati..
Bersyukurlah duhai diri..

Ingat, 
Allah rindu mendengarkan..
Rintihanmu berpanjangan..
Bersyukurlahh dan tabahlah menghadapi...